The guy in the red suit and white beard is SCARY

Owen used to be fearless. Completely willing to do anything, talk to anyone and jump off the highest of platforms. Lately he has started to develop some fears. He is afraid of the rain. He doesn't like when it snows. He is afraid of the dark. And now the big one, he is scared of Santa.
We have been talking about Christmas with him to get him excited about the season. Except anytime we mention it he always responds with "No Thanks". Not only is he afraid of the Santa in person he is afraid of anything to do with Christmas because he knows Santa is part of it.
This weekend my work hosted a Christmas party for the kids including a Santa. I thought what a great low key event to try and show him Santa really isn't scary....
We walked in the doors and approached the long hallway where we could see Santa sitting in his chair at the very end. Owen immediately tried running back out the door and when we tried to catch him he collapsed to the floor and just started screaming No! I thought man are we really torturing him by being within sight of a real Santa? We scooped him up and walked in a different way. We tried to let him get acclimated to the environment and then just sat on the floor where we could see Santa. He clung to us, heart racing saying no no no no no. I just reminded him we were just there to wave to him. And so he waved "bye Santa".
We inched our way closer a little bit at a time and finally just set him down on the floor next to Santa. He finally got up the courage to walk up to Santa and told him "I'm scared". It was one of those times were I was so impressed with him using his words I almost forgot to work on getting a picture! He touched Santa's arm and then I put him on his lap and there he sat. No crying. No trying to get off. Just completely stiff. And then guess what, I couldn't get him off. He just wanted to talk to Santa and give him hugs.

A simple trip to sit on Santa's lap isn't as simple as it once seemed. This photo took 30 minutes to take. I am glad we didn't attempt a trip to the mall this year because there is no way the people waiting in line would have allowed us that 30 minutes!

It is such a difference in situations. Through the whole experience Olivia just waited patiently for Owen to "be brave" and kept reminding us that she wasn't going to cry because she wanted to be brave and tell Santa what she wanted for Christmas. At times I wondering if it was really worth it. But then we got home and it is all they talk about. Olivia reminding us she was so brave and she got to sit on Santa's lap. And Owen repeating that he is a "good boy".
And then came Sunday, Owen went to another Christmas party with Auntie Erin and Santa was there. He was afraid of Santa again. Maybe next year it will be better...?

It's the most wonderful time of year...

We have had some really good days lately. We are so thankful for that! I love this time of year for a few reasons. It means lots of birthday celebrations. It means we get to spend extra time together as a family. It is a magical season of family traditions, remembering what is important and putting an extra focus on what you are thankful for.

To start off, I will say I am thankful that behavior treatments are fun.

I am thankful Owen decided to venture out to play in the snow instead of being afraid of it.

Watching him put on those snow pants and step outside was a big moment.

I am thankful we get to experience this season with Olivia. She has such an amazement with the littlest things. It is a daily reminder of what is important.

I am thankful that whatever the occasion, Owen can turn it into a rockstar moment. During our tree decorating time, Owen found a guitar and a little santa that had some arms that were aching to play it.

I am thankful for new holiday traditions.

Our elf on a shelf has been a huge hit. We are supposed to name him but neither wanted the task so this year his name is "elf". Maybe next year they will be a little more creative. I was a bit surprised at how into it Owen is. He keeps talking about this elf and his magic. He talks about him flying for Christmas. The first morning he woke up after we read this story he went downstairs and it was the first thing he did was try to find the elf. He didn't remember it's name so he just came up stairs and he told us he couldn't find the Magic! Olivia is also very into this story and she has been altering her behavior a bit since she knows the elf is watching her and sharing the stories with Santa.

We have so much to be thankful for this year.

one of those weeks

This is one of those weeks where you wonder how much can one be tested!

I had a pain that felt like a VERY bad bladder infection on Saturday morning. A trip to the quick clinic said they saw some signs of an issue but they needed to do a longer test. They gave me some antibiotics and sent me on my way. It felt a little better Saturday night and Sunday but Monday hit and bam it was painful again. The test came back negative so of course it had me worried. But Tuesday I knew exactly what it was since I have already been through 3 kidney stones. Thankfully it passed that morning. Nothing like being pregnant and being in that much pain! Of course Jason was out of town and Owen decided he was going to have trouble sleeping as well. I do not want to make it through another night like that anytime soon!

I had my level 2 US this week as well. I was very excited to find out if it is a boy/girl. But I forgot how stressful those appointments really are. Watching as they spend a little extra time on each little thing and when they go quiet for a bit it always makes me nervous. I kept having to tell myself to breath, everything will be ok! Everything is ok. And now I know if we will welcome a girl or boy. No one else will know but me and that US tech until baby day. Feel free however to try to get Jason to change his mind!

I called Owen's ENT last week to find out if we can get another sleep study. He of course ordered it since we had talked about repeating it every year and we were due. I thought it was time since we need all the solutions for this behavior problem as we can get. We know he doesn't sleep well and we know that affects his behavior. So another study it will be.
After the order was submitted, I got a surprise call from the sleep doctor (sorry I have no idea what their title is!). He called to warn me the next step will not be easy. Ugh. Not really something I wanted to hear but I appreciate that he called to suggest we have a session with him to talk things over. I am hoping he might have some strategies on how to improve Owen's sleeping.

This is what happens when we walk in the door at night. We make it about 5 feet from the door before a complete melt down happens. The trigger is always different. Today it was because he wanted to play Olivia's leapster and I said no.

There are situations like this where we feel like we are all alone in this struggle. Unsure how to strategize and get through these 15+ minutes of torture. Torture for us as parents, torture for Owen and torture for Olivia. But what I appreciate is knowing that we always have someone to turn to. We know there are other families like ours that struggle with this and I know that when I bring Owen to his Therapy sessions (old and new) they are always willing to brainstorm ideas on how go manage this. And then we don't feel so alone anymore. That is what makes us stronger. That is what helps us through and reminds us to keep trying.

I am thankful tomorrow is Friday and Jason is finally home. Now if someone could just figure out how to get our house sold so I don't have to keep it so clean that would be peachy!

A Challenge. The real life.

One of life's greatest gifts is to be reminded that having challenges makes you better. They are supposed to make you stronger from the experience. At least that is what they say anyway.
It seems we can't get one of these challenges learned. It seems to be good for a while and then we fall back into it. Right now we are in the thick of it.
Most families deal with behavior challenges with their children. I see it in Olivia. But I can give her consequences and she will learn. I can give her rewards and she will learn. I can't with Owen, he doesn't get the concepts of consequence or reward.
I would say his behavior has been one of the hardest things we have had to deal with. It comes and goes. One minute he is the happiest little rockstar, the next I am getting spit on. One day I am able to get him through his morning routine, the next we both leave the house in tears beause it was such a rough morning.
This last week has been one of those weeks. I got slapped so hard he left a mark on my cheek. And this morning he slammed a door in my face and threw a shoe at me. Just because I asked him to go downstairs. It breaks my heart everytime these situations happen because I know he is not doing it to be hurtful. He is doing it because he feels he is not in control. He is not getting his way and he doesn't know how else to react. So he yells at Olivia to get her to start crying just so he can be in control of that response...

I share this experience only because it is a journal of our ups and downs. We try different techniques but each time they never seem to be the right way. The right way for him would be for us to just let him do whatever he wants whenever he wants. However, that is just not practical. It is overwhelming but I am thankful that he only does it at home. He doesn't act out at school (except for some avoidance behaviors so far) and he is fairly well behaved at daycare.

I've attended a few behavior seminars, we've had the behavior specialist do their analysis. They all say the same thing. You can't change his behavior, you can only change yours. He is getting something he needs out of how he behaves. It is hard not to hear that message and think you have done something wrong to get to this point. But we can't look back. We have to move forward and figure this out before he gets bigger. Bigger and stronger because I can barely contain him anymore when the situations do arise.

I spent some time tonight digging out the picture schedules to get ready for tomorrow. Take the lessons I have learned and start applying them again.  I hope this will help him understand the requests better.

A few other things we are trying based on some suggestions from his OTs. Providing sensory input for calming. Things like swinging, being pulled on a blanket on the floor, using a weighted blanket and wearing a pressure vest. They seem to be working at his therapy sessions so we will now be incorporating them at home. It is all a bit hard to explain and I just wouldn't do it justice by trying so you will just have to take my word for it that it seems he needs it.
And so we will try. Try to change our behavior for him and give him the tools he needs to make it through a day without any avoidance, hitting, spitting, yelling or crying.
We will conquer this challenge, maybe not tomorrow or the next day but someday. We have to.

It's not a party til someone gets punched in the mouth.

**I have to officially turn this post over to Jason. It is the first time he has actually agreed to write one of these. But I needed him to. He was there, He was the one experiencing this first. I wish I could have gone but I just wasn't ready to see it. It was Owen's very first school birthday party. It was at a indoor sports place so it was much more fitting for dad to go than mom.**

Well with that being said....I was the only Dad there! 

Walking in, it was so nice to see that several of the boys ran up to say hi.  It was also nice to see that Tyson (also has DS and is in Owen's class) was there.  Before long, all of his classmate's parents left except me and Tyson's mom.  Awkward. We started out playing mini-golf and it was fun to see that it's fairly universal that no 5/6year old boy has the patience to play correctly.  Mini-golf didn't last very long, but it was pretty interesting that Tyson and Owen stuck with it longer than the rest. 

Then, we moved into the gym area and they had a couple inflatables in there, one was an obstacle course and one was a jumper with a ladder to a slide.  The boys all loved the slide but the ladder was really difficult for several of them to climb with socks on.  Owen had a real hard time with it because he kept slipping off and couldn't get a good hold with his feet.  Tyson's mom and I had to go in and help him and Tyson get up it a few times.  It was pretty funny because they would move on to the obstacle course and we would be left standing in there waiting for them to come back around.  One of the times that neither of us was in there, I came walking up and a little boy named Gabe was holding his mouth and looking sad.  He came up and told me that Reece had hit him.  One of the other boys told me that Owen was trying to climb up the ladder and Gabe wouldn't stop jumping.  Owen got frustrated and told him to stop but he didn't. So Reece socked him in the mouth!  I didn't know what to say.  I was so happy and proud that Reece had stuck up for Owen but I felt obligated to be a good adult/parent.  All I could come up with was "are you sure it wasn't an accident?" I think I failed that one. 

 Next it was on to laser tag.  It was dark and loud and Owen was not having it.  He did not like the vest and kept telling me that he "didn't want it."  That is until he saw that everyone else was going in. Once he got in, he LOVED it and then we had the problem that he didn't want to leave it.  By the time that it was time for hot dogs, cake, and presents...I could tell that he was pretty tired.  He found the energy for another game of laser tag before we left.

I have to admit that I was fairly nervous going into this.  I was worried about whether or not anyone would play with him.  I was worried we would have melt downs.  I was worried what the other parents might be thinking.  But overall, it was a good experience.  Yes he is behind. The other boys are stronger, faster, and more coordinated.  But he is holding his own and interacting!  It's so nice to see him being included but more importantly...he had fun!

Now that this post is done...that should hold me over for a couple more years.

Adventures in Tricks

Sometimes it feels like everyday is halloween at our house. Not because we have an unlimited supply of candy for people to come knock at our door with a bucket to gather it. But because it seems like at least one of the kids is always wearing a costume.

So when the real deal is here, it is pretty exciting.

We headed out to a local pumpkin patch a few weeks ago to find our perfectly mishapped pumpkins. The wind was crazy but this adventure is always one of memories.

 It was so windy the sand was blowing in their faces so they both wanted their hoods up. Good thing because it made for a cute picture!

By the end of this adventure, Owen was tired. And somehow talked Olivia into pulling him. She actually did pretty well.

Getting those pumpkins home was the next big adventure. I don't think Owen remembers last year when we carved the pumpkins. And Olivia was just not into it either. So this year was quite fun. They both were super excited to see inside it and help with the dirty work.

Here is the special needs mom in me. As he was doing this, I was thinking, wow this is great OT for him. Olivia would barely get her hands dirty. Each time she got a little gunk on her hand she wanted to go wash them. Finally after a few trips the bathroom, I convinced her it is ok to get her hands dirty. All from the mother who will not reach inside - but don't tell her that!

I had the pleasure of volunteering in Owen's class for their halloween party. It was really the first time I have seen him in action at school. I was nervous how he would do with me there but he actually did pretty well. Here is a shot of them doing the words to one of the songs, each kid picks a spot to say the line for that number chair. Owen did fantastic.

Here is Owen with his buddy Reece. Reece had some green fangs in during the shot, his teeth usually aren't that color, ha ha. Batman and Ironman, 2 fantastic heros.

And finally we have the costumes before the venture out to the neighborhood. I am finding that it is much harder to get girl costumes to be weather proof. The boy costumes are fully clothed and you can stuff lots of layers under that muscle. But she wanted to be a fairy so she got her wish.

 My two pumpkins sitting with their pumpkins. 

What I love about the stories of them trick or treating is how different they both are. Olivia is all about the candy. Owen is all about saying hi to everyone.

Halloween was a huge success. Now the biggest challenge is getting them to forget about all the candy they collected.

Where have you been?

Ok, a few people have been asking. What's up with your blog? I check every day and still no posts!
There is a good reason. I.am.tired.
A few things going on. A new job at work. Our house is back on the market. I am 17 weeks pregnant. Oh and then there is the daily craziness of trying to figure out how to best deal with Owen's behavior.
Did you catch all that news in there?

I took a new job at work. An exciting opportunity to try something new. My new title is Continuous Improvement Manager. Now just try to figure out what that means!

Our baby news is one we have wanted to be able to share for almost 2 years now. It has been a long journey. Lots of tests. A miscarriage. But finally some joyful news. Baby #3 is expected to be here April 13. I say expected according to the calendar but if you know me I am not sure that date will happen. We do have a debate going on about finding out if it is a boy or girl. Jason says no, I say yes. Only a few more weeks to decide!

Having baby #3 has helped us decide that it is time to sell the house again. The interest rates right now are fabulous and hard to pass up. We need another bedroom. The option of pairing up Owen and Olivia seems daunting and I do not think baby would do well in Olivia's room either. So we are at it again. Trying to get this house sold. We did decide however, that if it sells we will stay in the area. I think we have a really good thing going with Owen's school so I don't want to remove him from there.

We have lots of projects going. One is finally finished and we are ready for someone else to enjoy Jason's handy work. (granite counters & new backsplash)

Another fun thing we have been working on is using our basement as a new photo studio. Trying to be
budget friendly to capture our own photos. Easier said than done, for sure!

An official Halloween post will come tomorrow...
Thanks for being patient through my tiredness!