A Challenge. The real life.

One of life's greatest gifts is to be reminded that having challenges makes you better. They are supposed to make you stronger from the experience. At least that is what they say anyway.
It seems we can't get one of these challenges learned. It seems to be good for a while and then we fall back into it. Right now we are in the thick of it.
Most families deal with behavior challenges with their children. I see it in Olivia. But I can give her consequences and she will learn. I can give her rewards and she will learn. I can't with Owen, he doesn't get the concepts of consequence or reward.
I would say his behavior has been one of the hardest things we have had to deal with. It comes and goes. One minute he is the happiest little rockstar, the next I am getting spit on. One day I am able to get him through his morning routine, the next we both leave the house in tears beause it was such a rough morning.
This last week has been one of those weeks. I got slapped so hard he left a mark on my cheek. And this morning he slammed a door in my face and threw a shoe at me. Just because I asked him to go downstairs. It breaks my heart everytime these situations happen because I know he is not doing it to be hurtful. He is doing it because he feels he is not in control. He is not getting his way and he doesn't know how else to react. So he yells at Olivia to get her to start crying just so he can be in control of that response...

I share this experience only because it is a journal of our ups and downs. We try different techniques but each time they never seem to be the right way. The right way for him would be for us to just let him do whatever he wants whenever he wants. However, that is just not practical. It is overwhelming but I am thankful that he only does it at home. He doesn't act out at school (except for some avoidance behaviors so far) and he is fairly well behaved at daycare.

I've attended a few behavior seminars, we've had the behavior specialist do their analysis. They all say the same thing. You can't change his behavior, you can only change yours. He is getting something he needs out of how he behaves. It is hard not to hear that message and think you have done something wrong to get to this point. But we can't look back. We have to move forward and figure this out before he gets bigger. Bigger and stronger because I can barely contain him anymore when the situations do arise.

I spent some time tonight digging out the picture schedules to get ready for tomorrow. Take the lessons I have learned and start applying them again.  I hope this will help him understand the requests better.

A few other things we are trying based on some suggestions from his OTs. Providing sensory input for calming. Things like swinging, being pulled on a blanket on the floor, using a weighted blanket and wearing a pressure vest. They seem to be working at his therapy sessions so we will now be incorporating them at home. It is all a bit hard to explain and I just wouldn't do it justice by trying so you will just have to take my word for it that it seems he needs it.
And so we will try. Try to change our behavior for him and give him the tools he needs to make it through a day without any avoidance, hitting, spitting, yelling or crying.
We will conquer this challenge, maybe not tomorrow or the next day but someday. We have to.